Love in Full Bloom: A Tribute to Ethan Anthony Shepherd

February 7, 2013

This morning we held a funeral for five day old Ethan Anthony Shepherd who died and went to be with the Lord three days ago.  His was a full and fruitful life!  Rarely has one’s presence been so aware of or one’s life and passing left such a mark.  But Ethan Anthony was no ordinary boy.  His parents loved him with all their hearts and therefore gave him an enduring legacy. 

Several months ago Paul and Naysa were made aware of some complications with the pregnancy.  The skull had not fully formed around the brain and there were some other deficiencies in the brain development as well.  Paul and Naysa were informed that their baby very likely would not live long or that if he did he would never function without severe limitations and handicaps.  Trying to wrap their heads around the implications of what the doctors were saying was more than they could fully assimilate.  Nevertheless, Paul and Naysa were faced with a choice.    

A month later the worst case scenario seemed to be confirmed.  Even though abortion was never an option they would consider, Paul and Naysa were still facing a dilemma not knowing how to posture their hearts.  Would they protect themselves against the pain of loss by closing their hearts since there was little hope of life or would they engage their son while still in the womb and begin to feed him through love?

That is when Paul and Naysa made a choice that would change their life and the lives of others forever.  With help from their amazing family and their faith community they decided to put their fear of loss aside and to begin to engage him as much as possible.  The first thing they did was give Ethan Anthony his name and not just any name.  Ethan was the a name from the book of Psalms (see Psalm 89) that Paul felt the Lord impressed upon him and Anthony is Paul's middle name.  

Additionally, they decided that they were going to love him with all their hearts.  They refused to hold back for the fear of loss.  They were going allow their love for little Ethan to move into full bloom.  Paul and Naysa decided to live believing that they were going to be blessed by this child and that they were going to begin speaking to him in the womb and preparing for his arrival.  They were also going to go into the added risk of “believing” for a miracle, praying into his destiny and giving their defenseless son as much chance of survival as they could possibly provide.  Though the prognosis remained grim, Paul and Naysa’s love and faith remained undiminished or abated. 

As I found myself praying for them from time to time a single picture kept coming into my mind.  It was the picture of a baby blue hyacinth in full bloom.   Hyacinths are flowers that bloom in early spring and therefore often they are subject to the peril a late winter freeze.  But their beautiful colors are a signal of the end of winter and beginning of spring and new life. 

On February 4th, Ethan entered heaven.  The whole Shepherd clan, who fully supported Paul and Naysa in their unrestrained decision to give Ethan their whole heart, now face the reality of a late freeze.  They loved with all their hearts knowing full well that to be so deeply invested might leave them high and dry with deep heartache in the end.  And what do they have to show for it all? 

After such an ordeal, it would be easy to close up shop and decide that that kind of love is too risky and too painful.  Or a person can be one of the brave one’s and decide that that is the way we are meant to live, full throttle, wide open, loving and being loved because this is our opportunity to lay it all down….  “He who sews sparingly will reap sparingly.  He who sews bountifully will reap bountifully.” 

Love like this does not always have an immediate reward.  The law of sewing and reaping is threefold.

1. You reap what you sow. 
2. You reap later than you sow. 
3. You reap more than you sow. 

Paul and Naysa, and everyone in their lives have sowed bountifully.  Therefore, rest assured, they will reap bountifully!  And in the end, Ethan Anthony Shepherd will have left his mark and his legacy in five short days of breathing air because he received deep abounding love and his family will never be the same. 

Paul’s younger sister, Alisha, miscarried her one month pregnancy the day after Ethan was born.  She lives far away and couldn't join the family in the ritual of sadness and loss though she experienced it all the same from a distance.  But she had an interesting perspective to the whole thing.  She considered her brother and sister in law “lucky” that they got to hold their baby for a few short days….  Perspectives! 

Paul and Naysa have loved and lost… but they have also gained. 

The immediate results?

1. The joy of holding their son alive and responsive. 
2. The extraordinary experience of pouring their hearts out knowing that there was nothing that Ethan could give them in return... and yet he did…  
3. The satisfaction of knowing that they gave their son everything at their disposal to live life fully.  
4. A deeper love and appreciation for their other three sons, for the three amazing brothers, who loved and lost with them. 
5. No regrets. 
6. No reversals.  
7. No going back wishing you had done it different. 

That’s what they gained in the short term.

What about the long term results?  Who can measure?  Long term, Paul and Naysa may just find that their investment of love over the last few months was the most lucrative investment that they had ever made.  In terms of what it has done to the family, the dividends are already astronomical.  Today during the funeral, over a 100 people gathered to remember a child who lived only five days!  That fact alone was evidence enough of the impact that Paul and Naysa’s investment was making.  I venture to suggest that they will come away more deeply committed to living every day the way they lived the last four, full throttle, open hearted, not worried about being repaid, and fully trusting God that He is able to keep what is being entrusted to Him until the final day. 

Would to God we were all so “lucky” 

So here’s a tribute Ethan Anthony Shepherd, to the boy who lived for five days and whose coming and going helped make the world a better place.  His mom and dad gave him a legacy and a chance to leave a lasting impact because they allowed him to get into their hearts.  There he will remain until the end of days.